2011 Earth
Day Haiku Contest Winners
All Judges
commentary below are written by an'ya, representing The
Haiku Societ of America (HSA).
An excellent turn out of haiku!
Our main criteria was good writing which captured the haiku
spirit. Not all the entries were necessarily 5-7-5, and as
this was only a guideline, you will find the occasional
exception.
A big thank you to all who entered, we enjoyed over 250
entries from various countries.
Overall First Choice
The overall
winner for 2011 is Amy Claire Rose Smith (13) from
Darlington, County Durham, UK for this wonderful haiku poem:
Earth Day
dusk—
falling all around me
blackbird song
7-9
years old
First Choice
(7-9 years olds):
the water
is smooth
a bird dips down, and away
ripples on the water
Katy Smith
Fourth Grade,
Barrington, IL USA, Teacher: Michelle Pezzuto
an'ya's
Comment:
This haiku by Katy Smith still adheres to the 5,7,5 format
we were originally taught in our various school systems
(which is fine) although nowadays many haiku poets are using
just a short, long, short count since the Japanese sound
syllables differ in length from English syllables.
Having said this, Katy's haiku moment is as smoothly written
as her first line "the water is smooth" which opens the
moment with a "wide setting", and then in line two she zeros
or zooms in on a bird dipping down, then she takes that bird
away and all that is left in line three, are "ripples on the
water."
A very good use of "showing" us this moment rather than
"telling" us what to think about it. Well done!
Second Choice (7-9 years olds):
spring
meadow
a single honey bee
sips nectar
Philip Painting, (age 9)
The Paideia School, Atlanta, GA, USA Teacher: Judy
Cloues
an'ya's
Comment:
In this haiku by Philip, we are visually transported to the
wide setting of a "spring meadow" full of flowers, and yet
in line two we are given "a single bee" perhaps going from
flower to flower throughout the meadow to "sip nectar."
Nicely written with fine juxtaposition and continuity
throughout all three lines.
Thanks to this author for sharing his moment.
Third Choice (7-9 years olds):
waterfalls falling
right over the mountainside
straight into a lake
Ben, 4th Grade
Teacher: Liana Williams, Pacific Palisades, CA USA
an'ya's
Comment:
Here we have a very good visual haiku by Ben of literally
what a mountainside waterfall does, it falls from the top,
right over the mountainside and straight into the lake. If
we concentrate on writing exactly what we see in nature, the
haiku will almost always come out good.
Too often poets try to put too much into the moment and add
poetic devices to enhance the image. Ben shows us that it
isn't necessary and we should just accept each moment as a
gift and leave it the way nature made it.
10
-12 yrs old
First Choice
(10 -12 yrs olds):
between
trees
the moon rises
to let the light out
Camden Smith (12)
Keyser Primary-Middle School, USA
an'ya's
Comment:
A fine haiku example written by Camden with well-thought out
word choices. It is interesting where this author chose to
break line 2 but because we all pause differently when we
speak, another author might have chosen to place the words
"to let" at the end of line 2, however in this haiku, I
believe that Camden's version works very well.
Second Choice (10 -12 yrs olds):
rivers
and oceans
with salmon going upstream
through the passages
Kristina Horchover, 6th Grade
Teacher: Scott Woodworth, The Out of Door Academy,
Sarasota, Florida, USA
an'ya's
Comment:
A lovely haiku with an especially unique third line. We all
know about salmon going upstream and we all know about
rivers and oceans, but saying "through the passages" leaves
Kristina's haiku open-ended so that each reader is free to
imagine all sort of different passages. be it in between
rocks, over the falls, even time a passage of time. etc.
Keep up the good work!
Third Choice (10 -12 yrs olds):
sun shows
behind clouds.
shimmering rainbow appears—
river sweeps image away
Carl Mann (12) 7th grade
Kensington CT, USA Teacher: Elaine Kotler, Saint Paul
School
an'ya's
Comment:
I like this haiku by Carl for its concept of the river
sweeping the image of the rainbow away. To improve our
haiku, we need to include articles such as "a" and "the" so
when the haiku is read by others, it will be just as if we
were speaking to them directly in person.
If we leave out articles, our haiku will sound choppy and
not flow as smoothly as possible. Even so, as I said Carl's
haiku shows depth, attention to detail and imagination.
13-15 yrs old
First Choice (13-15 yrs olds):
Earth Day
dusk—
falling all around me
blackbird song
Amy Claire Rose Smith (13)
Darlington, County Durham, UK
an'ya's
Comment:
This particular haiku by Amy is absolutely stunning! and is
what's known in the world of old-time haiku writers as a
"wish-I-had-written-that-one-myself." Albeit, I would humbly
recommend removing the emdash after line one in order to
allow her haiku to pivot.
For instance it can be read two ways like so: "Earth Day
dusk falling all around me" and then "falling all around me
blackbird song." - a natural pivot in any haiku is
desirable.
The use of "d" sounds in line one is commendable, as well as
the "l" sounds in line two carried over with the word
"blackbird" in line three. I cannot overly stress the
perfection of this write!
Second Choice (13-15 yrs olds):
the soft
trill of birds
through the trees, straight to my ears
I listen to its claim
Michele H, 8th Grade
Teacher: Jane Scott, Kilo Middle School, Auburn, WA
an'ya's
Comment:
An intriguing haiku by Michele insofar as its 3rd line
especially. Normally personal opinion or putting "self" into
a haiku is to be avoided, however this author manages to
include "I" in a way that is acceptable because of her use
of one of the five senses (sound) via the word "listen."
Also direct personification which is giving human
characteristics to something in nature is not acceptable,
but here again, Michele manages to subtly include the "soft
trill of birds" as a claim which is subtle enough not to
personify the birds.
Excellent work Michelle.
Third Choice (13-15 yrs olds):
rolling
in the grass.
rolling over little ants—
then helping them up.
Dallas Kaufman (14), 8th grade
Teacher: Elaine Kotler, Saint Paul School, Kensington
CT, USA
an'ya's
Comment:
This haiku by Dallas reminds me of Issa (one of the old
masters.) Issa wrote about the little things that are
important in our lives and how to treat other creatures with
kindness and respect—and
many of his haiku were also written about insects.
The empathy of this moment has "beauty of thought" which is
often included in mainstream poetry and not nearly enough in
our haiku, so kudos to you Dallas for sharing the tenderness
of this moment with us, a fine example for Earth Day, which
we should all heed.
16-18 yrs old
First Choice
(16-18 yrs olds):
dark
clouds—
he cuts out an akala
from an old tyre
James Bundi (17)
* James is the outgoing chairman of the Bambochaas Haiku
Club
Bahati c.c Secondary School, Nairobi, Kenya, Africa
an'ya's
Comment:
Quite a fine haiku by James that links man and nature
together nicely for this Earth Day Contest. If there had
been more haiku submitted in this age category, I still
would have most likely chosen this one.
Akala (an example of a regional season word) are the tyre
sandals worn by many people in Kenya who make good use of
recycling what is already available to them. Wide setting in
line one, subject and action verb in line two and follow
through in line three.
A perfect example of a typical haiku format, and in just 13
syllables and 11 words, we are walking right there in the
moment.
NOTES:
All entries will also be published in the Fall issue of
Sketchbook: A Journal for Eastern and Western Short
Forms, and will appear on the contest blogsite:
http://kidsearthdayhaiku.blogspot.com/
Much thanks to the following people for their time and
effort :
an'ya HSA; Alan Summers, With Words; Karina Klesko and John
Daleiden, Sketchbook Journal Editors
Previous blogpage to explain about the contest:
http://area17.blogspot.com/2011/02/2011-kids-count-for-earthday-haiku.html
The Sponsors of
the Earth Day Haiku Contest
The Haiku
Society of America: 2011 Judge: an'ya:
http://www.hsa-haiku.org/
Planetpals:
Judith Gorgone:
http://www.planetpals.com/
With Words:
Alan Summers:
http://www.withwords.org.uk/
Sketchbook: A Journal for Eastern & Western Short
Forms: Karina Klesko and John Daleiden:
http://poetrywriting.org
From an'ya at
HSA (Haiku Society of America), the new 2011 sponsors, thank
you HSA!:
Hai Five To The Winners Of The
Earthday Haiku Contest 2011!
From co-founder Judith
Gorgone of Planetpals:
"It was quite
and honor to receive so many creative entries from children
and classrooms around the world. This year we decided to add
comments written by the esteemed Judge from the Haiku
Society of America, an'ya. Her comprehensive commentaries
help us all understand why the haiku were chosen as well as,
helping us learn. We are quite pleased to have the
Sponsorship of the Haiku Society of America who generously
donated a years membership to the winner."
From Karina Klesko and John
Daleiden, Editors of Sketchbook:
A big
thank you to all the students and teacher who
facilitated partipicipation in the 2011 Earth Day Haiku
Contest.
Haiku Art entries:
Thanks to Planetpals and Judith; this year, many entries
included Haiga (Art plus Haiku). So, we have featured them
separately:
http://planetpals.com/earthday-haiku-contest-2011-haiga.html
