Free Verse
Addiction
Worthless, hopeless,
loveless, selfish.
No Devil on one shoulder and Angel on the other.
They are both Devils.
No matter which one pulls me in, I lose.
One helps me escape the pain I am in,
While the other secures my self-image.
Have to look of perfection from the outside to hide the ugliness
inside.
Hateful, Liar, Untrustworthy, Promiscuous.
All labels earned by the choices they offer.
Unable to live one day at a time without them,
Must have one or the other at all times.
It doesn’t feel right if it isn’t in me.
They are no longer choices, but requirements.
Being convinced that I can’t cope without them,
They have become my only true friends,
Making me feel wanted, untouchable.
Fear fades away…life fades away.
The world suddenly slows pace and I can breathe,
Only to make sure that this feeling doesn’t go away.
I know what happens when it does.
The world grows dark and shame reveals its ugly face.
These two Devils now define me.
Convinced I am unworthy of a God to love or help me.
He gave up on me long before I closed the door to him,
Or so they tell me.
Trapped, confined to a world that revolves around disease.
Unable to escape what is slowly eating away at me,
Quickly killing my soul.
Shaking hands, racing thoughts, anxiety, sleepless nights.
How can you love something that treats you so?
It makes you believe you are something that you are not.
Giving you hope to a life that will never come
while it is running the show,
Repelling those around you,
while convincing you that everyone wants you.
This isn’t life!
This is Hell in an earthly format,
Burning everything that it touches.
When will it end?!?
There is but one escape,
That One is God…may you find him now!
There may be Devils on both shoulders,
But there is God within you,
Close to your heart,
Awake and alive in your soul.
That is untouchable.
Within is the strength to brush your shoulders clean
and start with a brand new body…
A body of Christ.
