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CaribbeanKigo #08 lights Kukai
Results
Players:
1.
Gynith
Roberts, USA; 2.
Vasile
Moldovan, Romania; 3.
Shanna
Baldwin Moore, Hawaii, USA; 4.
Tatjana Debeljacki, Serbia; 5.
John McDonald, Scotland; 6. Sakuon Nakamura, Japan; 7.
John Daleiden, USA; 8.
Taro
Kunugi, Japan;
9.
Ralf
Bröker, Germany; 10.
Victor
P. Gendrano, Philippines; 11.
William Kenny, USA; 12. Juhani Tikkanen, Finland; 13.
Krzysztof Kokot, Poland; 14. Jacek Margolak, Poland; 15;
Kalina Trendafilova, Bulgaria; 16. Mary Davila, USA; 17.
Cindy Tebo, USA; 18.
Rafal
Zabratynski,
Poland; 19.Catherine J.S. Lee, Maine, USA; 20. Magdalena
Dale, Romania; 21.Quentin Clingerman, USA; 22. Corbelle
Armando, USA; 23. Olga Neagu, Italy
*11 FIRST
PLACE
solitude . . .
turning out the lights
I let in the moon
—BILL
KENNEY
Votes:
5-7-3-***; Points:
28
Comments:
1.
The
captured moment when moon light floods over us after
artificial lights are shut off—this
is the nectar of the gods; beautiful moment.
2.
Lines
2 and 3 are beautiful – it’s too bad line 1 is an abstract
idea instead of an image.
*2 *18
SECOND PLACE (Tie)
The first cry—
lights and shades
on the mother's face
—Vasile
Moldovan - Romania
Votes:4-4-1***; Points:
15
Comments:
1.
I thought "shadows" would have been a better choice
on L2. It avoids the near rhyme of shades/face especially
when there is another near rhyme in the pairing
of cry/lights. Also the word "shades" when combined
with "lights" remind me of a lampshade. I do appreciate
the layers of meaning in this haiku. The phrase, "Lights
and shades," suggests a contrast between life and death—the
infant's first cry and the mother's last one.
2.
The ambiguity of the first line captured my attention; we
do not know if this is the "first cry" of a newborn infant
or if the line means that the mother is sensitive to the
the outcry of the infant whenever it happens. Nice indeed.
3.
A tender moment that would be slightly more focused by
dropping “the” from the first line, which would also avoid
“the” appearing twice.
*18
SECOND PLACE (Tie)
neon lights
the curtain's pattern
blinks on the wall
—Rafal
Zabratynski
Votes:
3-3-***1; Points:
15
Comments:
An imaginative
variation on the shadow theme. The poet makes us see.
*12 THIRD
PLACE
in the same pool
the sun and the moon
October light
--Tikkis
Votes:
5-2-1-***; Points:
12
Comments:
1.The
heavens are an immense "pool"; how spectacular to see both
the sun and moon in the sky at the same time; the natural
world is a world of wonder.
2.There are lots of sun and moon ku. It's the pool
that makes this
one work.
RESULTS CONTINUES
01
Amber rays of dawn
Spill lights upon the silent earth
Serenity reigns
—Gynith
Roberts
Votes:******; Points:
Comments:
03
cold on the mountain
fire light fades
alone with the ashes
—Shanna
Baldwin Moore, Hawaii, USA
Votes:
1-1-2***; Points:
9
Comments:
The first thought that came to mind
was someone spreading a loved one's ashes on the
mountain but I think the emphasis here is on
the loneliness of one's spirit after the flames have gone
out—whether
those flames were from a simple campout, a volcano, or a
love that has gone dormant. Or the image could be the
mountain itself—all
warmth extinguished after the sun goes down.
04
will leave you
before the night
day lights view
—Tatjana
Debeljacki
Votes:******; Points:
Comments:
05
cold streets—
televisions'
flickering lights
—john
Votes:
2*2***; Points:
8
Comments:
1.
I love the simple thing drawn as a simple thing.
2.
This
haiku would be a bit stronger for being brought into the
singular—
“cold street”—since
the poet would be on a particular street seeing this.
“streets” generalizes instead of providing a moment.
06
with pleasure
set light in the deyas
listen Christmas song.
喜びて
ﾃﾞﾔｽに灯ともし
聖歌聞く
yorokobi
te/ deyas ni hi tomosi/ seika kiku
—sakuo
Votes:******; Points:
Comments:
07
each light a link
to the oneness of all—
Divali Nagar
—John
Daleiden, USA
Votes:
1-1-****; Points:
3
Comments:
08
a lake of lights
scintillating under my eyes;—
the mountain spa
—Taro
Kunugi; Yo Kunugi, Yamanashi, Japan
Votes:
3*****; Points:
3
Comments:
Very
poetic. And I still don't know whether these are tears ...
But I had some difficulties with the punctuation—was
it a smiley or something?
09
Weekend arrangement—
blowing out
candle-lights
—Ralf
Bröker
Votes:
1-1-****; Points:
3
Comments:
10
helped by the light
a moth fulfills
its death wish
—Victor
P. Gendrano
Votes:
1-1-1-***; Points:
6
Comments:
13
light of the morning—
crumpled bedclothes and
lipstick on the glass
—KRZYSZTOF
KOKOT, PL
Votes:
3*****; Points:
3
Comments:
What is familiarly known as the cold light of dawn (or
morning after)?
I'd prefer "morning light" for line 1.
14
the smooth gliding
of plane lights
winter dusk
—Jacek
Margolak; POLAND
Votes:
4-2-****; Points:
8
Comments:
1.
Anything that moves through the sky at "dusk" or after
certainly captures our attention; here, the "smooth
gliding" speaks loudly of safety and the wonder of how
human invention defies the natural laws of physics and yet
remains beautiful.
2.
My favorite of the month: The kinesis of line 1
interacting with
the visuals of lines 2 & 3,
the two kinds of light interacting with
one another, the
interaction of sounds (e. g., "gliding," "lights" and
the finality of "dusk"),
and "winter" clinches it. "glide" might work
in place of gliding.
15
summer sunset
lights calligraphy on the
Mediterranean sea
—Kalina
Votes:
3*****; Points:
3
Comments:
I feel this haiku wants to convey a message but I'm
uncertain what that message is. Why is a "summer sunset"
better than a winter one? Why end the line with "the" when
"across" may have been a better choice? Why the
Mediterranean Sea as opposed to any other body of
water? I do like the use of "calligraphy" as a verb.
16
festival of lights
the dove winks back
at a star
—Mary
Davila
Votes:
3*****; Points:
3
Comments:
1."festival
of lights" celebrations throughout the world focus on
humanitarian and religious thanks giving; the link between
the underlying purpose of these celebrations and the
"dove", a traditional symbol of peace is well conceived;
you convey a deep sense of wellness in this haiku.
2.
What do the dove and star know that we don't? Everything.
3.
Not sure the part about the dove winking at a star is
truly possible, but it makes a lovely haiku image anyway
17
nocturne
the piano lights flickering
before they go out
—Cindy
Tebo
Votes:
1-2-****; Points:
5
Comments:
“nocturne” as a piano composition and “nocturne” as an
evening scene—nicely
juxtaposed.
19
torch song . . .
autumn leaves drifting past
the neon lights
—Catherine
J.S. Lee; USA
Votes:4*****; Points:4
Comments:1.
Atmospheric. That
"Autumn Leaves" is actually the title of a torch
song is unfortunate, however
2.
Urban
poetry, worth a dry Martini and a saxophone-solo while
reading it.
20
These night lights
your eyes looking at me…
rays of moon
—Magdalena
Dale; Bucharest, Romania
Votes: **1***; Points: 3
Comments:
21
Lights flash on and off
A timid knock at the door
Costumes hurry on
—Quentin
Clingerman, USA
Votes:
*1****; Points:
2
Comments:
I appreciate the humorous scene—lovers bumbling
around in the dark trying to quickly put their clothes
back on. However, I felt that the word "timid" didn't add
anything to the haiku. For example, if the person
knocking is a lookout—why
not an "urgent knock" as opposed to a "timid" one? For
that matter, why knock at all?
22
lights out—she
cries
as she dashes from the dorm
house mother's day off
—Catbird55
Votes:
******; Points:
Comments:
23
to many lights
and I can not see Your face
in this night, my Lord
—Olga
Neagu
Votes:
3-*-1-***; Points:
6
Comments:
Afterword
-1-
—Sakuon
Nakamura; Japan said…
I think
Light itself can not be Kigo independently.
It needs
adjective or noun as word combination for becoming kigo.
-2-
—from
the kukai coordinator
I wanted to
get from writers a sharing of lights
pertaining to festivals and activities around this time of the
year and since in the Caribbean we do not have autumn weather
I decided to use just ‘lights’ because really lights do take
center stage; in the form of the tiny deyas and house
decorated lights and early Christmas decorations, around this
time of year with special and pertinent emphasis. It is indeed
amazing, that September to December, these are Wet Weather
months for us, yet there is the Festival of Lights with an
emphasis on traditional lighted deyas using ghee as fuel, and
displayed successfully in mass outdoors on Divali night,
hailed as the darkest night of the year; an event which is not
calendar dated, but observed as a lunar festival. Gabi Greve
(a member of Caribbean Kigo Kukai at facebook) also expressed
concern about the term as Kigo, in an email; she was
unfamiliar with this as kigo in Japan, However, after some
research and pondering she proposed to her World Kigo database
the section ‘Light, Lights’. Then on October 10th,
Olga alerted me to the Observation of a ‘World Day of Peace
and Lights’ project, well that cemented for me
‘lights’ as a Caribbean Kigo in the WW page
The kukai
moved along nicely and I received poems expressing lights in
different celebratory aspects including birthdays and
anniversaries;
Its
certainly such concerns and comments when expressed and
debated which contribute to the success of CKK…
much love gillena cox
-3-
—Quentin
Clingerman, USA said…
Quite a diverse group of poets
geographically! The first comment on mine missed the point
entirely since I was picking up on Halloween!... Que
-4-
—Comments
from Michael Baribeau, USA; one of our Asterisk players who did
not contest this kukai
Haiku # 1-
Nice images. I like the trochee meter in line 1. Feels a bit
like traditional Western poetic style. Perhaps a more
simplistic, less abstract haiku style with a haiku type
insight. And since light is to be used as a kigo (or just as
a key word?) then a seasonal reference (tropical?) as well,
like... autumn - the trees silent - in the morning light.
Haiku # 2-Compelling
image without having to spell it out. I read it about the
turmoil of emotions that cross over a mother's face at sound
of their child's first breath/cry. Spring kigo/seasonal
reference?
Haiku # 3-It's
funny how something as little as even a tiny campfire can
bring hope and warmth to the dark scary wilderness. Nice
associating cold and loneliness to the ash. Nice
kigo/seasonal reference.
Haiku # 4
I like the future tense, unusual in haiku I think but works
for me. Seems to be dropping some pronouns and articles in an
effort to shorten it which makes it sound incomplete and
difficult for me to understand. No kigo/seasonal reference?
Haiku # 5-
Nice lonely feeling walking the streets while noticing 'warm'
homes with a modern twist with flickering tv light instead of
a flickering fire light.
Haiku # 6-
I'm not very knowledgeable about the holiday with the deyas
but I like the blending of the two different religion's
holidays both amusing and cosmopolitan. Not sure you need the
emotion characterization in line 1. The phrasing in lines 2
and 3 seems fragmented. Just playing with it, something
like... city megaphones - playing Christmas music - deyas
light the windows (or wherever you have deyas:).
Haiku # 7-
A nice sentiment, very poetic. I wonder if maybe a little
less abstract and more concrete like, Divali Nagar portrait -
each flame flickers - as one light.
Haiku #08 -
A wonderful image. Not sure you need line 2 and the word
scintillating kind of sticks out and reminds me of the quote
"Remember that haiku is a finger pointing at the moon, and if
the hand is bejeweled, we no longer see that to which it
points." I like lake of lights but am looking for more
implied meaning in it like suggesting the spa and not telling
me there's a spa, like... hot tub steam - the mountain lake -
of lights. No kigo/seasonal reference?
Haiku #09-
I'm not certain of the message, it might be the phrase weekend
arrangement has more meaning in your area. Is weekend
arrangement ie weekend business trip? Then this is referring
to someone blowing out candles of a candlelight dinner that
was canceled due to a such a business trip (I've seen that
that scene in many movies)? Or is weekend arrangement is ie a
weekend rendezvous, the dinner date its self? Then is the
date canceled or are they together and are 'turning out' the
lights and spending the night together? I'm guessing it's the
last one in which case for line 1 I would go for a less
direct, more implied meaning, and more concrete image, like...
the flicker in her eyes - blowing out - the candlelight. No
kigo/seasonal reference?
Haiku #10-
Funny irony:) I wonder about a less direct more implied
message, like... deep woods - a pile of moths - beneath the
porch light. This is probably a summer kigo/seasonal
reference?
Haiku #11-
Charming haiku. I read as being so lonely that they turned out
the light to at least have the moon as company. I wonder about
a more concrete image and implied message for line one,
like... empty house. No kigo/seasonal reference?
Haiku #12-
This is difficult for me to visualize and although I see the
connection to light I missed how October is connected.
Haiku #13-
I'm reading an amusing contrast between a romantic evening and
the scene in the 'light of day'. Their wearing bedclothes
confuses me (that's not how we roll where I'm from:). If I'm
right about the romantic evening then I wonder about
specifying the type of glass in line 3 and go with a more
implied meaning with something like... lipstick - on the
wineglass - morning light. Otherwise for line 2 what about
scattered clothes or rumpled sheets? No kigo/seasonal
reference?
Haiku #14- A
nice image and I read as a reference of gliding to skating on
ice and even the thought of it's contrail makes me think of a
skaters' trail in the ice.
Haiku #15- A
very pretty image. It feels a bit of western style poetry to
me, what about a more implied meaning, like... calligraphy -
summer sunset lights - the Mediterranean sea. Should this be
a kigo/seasonal reference for the current season?
Haiku #16-
This is cute. Not sure of the dove and star reference to the
Diwali festival of lights unless it is a Christmas reference
to peace, the Holy Spirit, and Jesus' natal star. Anyways a
bit manufactured for my tastes for a haiku. I don't ascribe
to the thought that a haiku has to be about something that
actually happened but I do prefer it be believable and
natural. Perhaps implying the message with more subtlety,
like... festival of lights - a caged dove - cocks his head.
Haiku #17-
I'm reading this as a pun taking Chopin's Nocturnes for
nocturnal, as in the night, and then having the lights go
out. Cute, hard to believe, but cute. No kigo/seasonal
reference?
Haiku #18-
Very nice. A simple image that captures the effect of the
neon without imposing an opinion of it. A nice shasei feel.
There's also a kind of urban wabi/sabi about it. Interesting
twist thinking of a shadow as blinking. No kigo/seasonal
reference?
Haiku #19-
Nice use of autumn leaves for an old flame in the past and
neon for passion and the present. I like the juxtapositioning.
Haiku #20-
Romantic. Not sure you need line 1 and I want to read line 3
more juxtaposed to the rest to give a more implied feeling,
like... moonlight - across the table - her eyes. No
kigo/seasonal reference?
Haiku #21- I
assume with the costumes this is referring to a holiday but
I'm not sure which. Since Halloween is coming up in my area
next week and since kids knock at the door for trick or
treating I would guess it's that. So then the flashing lights
are a spooky display at the door, the timid knock is kids
asking for candy scared by the display, and costumes hurry is
them running away in their Halloween costumes? It's cute (if
I'm right:) but with each line written as a fragment, I assume
to try and convey the whole sequence, its a bit disjointed.
Writing a fragment AND a phrase or even just as a phrase helps
make haiku both understandable and brief. It also forces us
to condense the moment down, you could probably tease 2 or 3
haiku out of this one. flashing lights and dry ice - slowly
trick or treaters - approach the door. Halloween music - a
timid knock - at the door. Halloween sound effects - monsters
and ghouls - run away.
Haiku #22-
I like that the house mother is so much a mother to this girl
and yet she's not a 'real full time mother'. There seems more
information than necessary. I wonder about dropping "lights
out" or dropping line 2. It feels it could be showing and
less telling. Maybe instead of "she cries" something like,
'sounds of weeping'.
Haiku #23-
Very moving sentiment. Seems a bit of Western style poetry or
prose. It's abstract and metaphoric while haiku tends to be
more literal and concrete,
…
Michael Baribeau.
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