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John Daleiden,
US
Aesthetically,
snow flakes are beautiful; knowledgeable scientists tell me that
no two of them are alike. I have lived for 72 years in the
Midwest part of the United States—and for 72 years I have
experienced winter in its many degrees of mildness and rage. In
July 2007 my wife and I moved south to the Sonoran Desert—we
actually live in a west suburb of Phoenix, Arizona. And even
though it is far to warm here for snow, for the four weeks of
December 2007 I have lived in a virtual snowstorm of "paths"
haiku. The Sketchbook writers have posted 96 haiku
to the December road thread; 16 poets from 7 countries
participated.
As I began to
examine these haiku looking for the "choice" gems I was suddenly
struck with the similarity between well written haiku and
snowflakes—both can be exquisitely beautiful, unique in their
own way, and quite beautiful.
The road haiku
mentioned below all have beautiful and unique qualities.
Individually, I can not say I prefer one more than the other,
but collectively they have an impact and I wish to comment on
some of their unique qualities.
Because it is
winter, and I have only recently come to live in a desert where
there is no snow and little rain, I was emotionally drawn to two
snow haiku:
Snowstorm at
daybreak—
two snowmen arm in arm
on the country road
# 66. Serban Codrin, RO
Line 1 establishes a winter
snow storm setting; line 3 provides more setting details and
establishes conditions of isolation in a dire setting. Line
2—provides an interesting scenic detail that is ambiguous—are
the two figures "arm in arm" snowmen, figures built out of snow,
or are they two real humans engulfed in the storm at daybreak?
In this haiku the outstanding quality is ambiguity about
the "snowmen".
after the storm
black ice on the road
sliding, sliding, sliding
# 08. Betty Kaplan, US
Any one who has lived where
snow falls on the roads has participated in the experience
described in the setting of the first two lines—a common
experience. In this haiku line 3 uses the unique qualities of
three exact repetitions and parallelism.
Generally, it is bad haiku form to use exact repetition in any
single haiku—but here the repeated word, "sliding" effectively
emphasizes the moments of fear drivers experience when they are
in this situation. The three words can also be described as
being parallel in structure—a graphic imitation of the
action being described in the third 3. These devices are subtly
used in this poem; they are unobtrusive and effective.
a cloud
between you and I
this lonely path
inspired by Li Po
# 58. Karina Klesko, US
In this haiku all
of the details are devoted to establishing a physical setting—
1) a cloud, 2) this lonely path, and 3) two individuals with a
cloud between them / separating them. Read only on a
physical level the haiku seems only to be a physical
description. However, if one permits the subtle use of figurative
language, then it is easy to see that the cloud represents a
problem between two individuals and this problem is the cause of
"loneliness". In this poem the cloud is a metaphor for a
problem or trouble between two people. Additionally, the
relationship of the two people is ambiguous—are they
lovers, friends, a parent and a sibling? Or is there some other
relationship? Are they the same or different genders? How old
are they? The use of line 2 as a pivot line is also an
exceptional construction technique in this poem. Essentially,
the pivot line extends a three line poem into a four line
poem of two lines each: "a cloud / between you and I"
and "between you and I / this lonely path". The unique qualities
in this haiku are the subtle uses of figurative
language—metaphor, ambiguity, and the pivot line
structure.
under the full moon
a lone traveler on the path
to nowhere
# 50. Vasile Moldovan, RO
The pathos the reader
feels for the "lone traveler" in this haiku is greatly enhanced
by the juxtaposition of the visual images of a "the full
moon" and "the path / to nowhere". In this haiku the author
evokes the reader's compassion for "a lone traveler" on this
journey.
at the cross roads
indecision . . .
left or right
# 18. Betty Kaplan, US
The two phrase structure
of this haiku—the long phrase first (lines
1-2), followed by the short phrase (line 3). The natural
caesura at the end of line 2 is enhanced by the use of
ellipsis causing the reader to pause longer than the natural
pause after a long phrase. Line 3 "left or right" appear to be
typical driving directions, but again if ambiguity
is permitted then the terms "left" and "right" can carry
social or political implications. In this haiku these
techniques are used with a subtle and deft touch.
full moon
crossing the bridge
one step at a time
# 04. Ed Baker, US
This haiku uses the second line
as a pivot—thus, the two phrases of the haiku convey two
different messages. In the first phrase, "full moon / crossing
the bridge" we perceive an image of a rising moon—its light
gradually creeping across the bridge. This technique gives the
illusion of the moon rising over a duration or period of
time. In the second phrase, "crossing the bridge / one step at a
time" we are given the perception of a person walking across the
bridge. The two images appear to be in motion, the first a
nature image, the second a human image. Taken together we are
given the illusion of motion over a period of time—a very
unique use of time, since most haiku are a snapshot moment.
The focus in this haiku seems to be on depicting an ongoing
duration of time. Of course the bridge can be read as a
metaphor—a connection allowing movement from point A to
point B and it is also a construction devised to allow a safe
crossing over a hazardous space. Once again we see the subtle
and non-traditional use of figurative language in an
excellent haiku.
open gate…
how narrow is
that path!
# 27. Rita Odeh, Nazareth
This minimal 9 syllable haiku (
3 4 2) utilizes a juxtaposition of two opposite
conditions: 1) the openness of the gate, contrasted with
2) the narrowness of the path leading from the gate; this
results in an interesting irony. Although the author has
designated the second phrase, "how narrow is / that path!" as a
declarative exclamatory phrase with the designated exclamation
mark (!) at the end of her sentence, she could have also
punctuated the sentence as a question or interrogative by using
a question mark (?). This second reading of the long phrase
could also be viewed as a juxtaposition.
frosted roses
removing her ring
she takes a new path
# 05. Trish Shields, CA
Symbols can be powerful
visual statements! In this haiku traditional symbols aid
the poet in conveying the resolution of the narrator to end a
decayed relationship and to begin a new one. Roses are a
traditional symbol of love, but these "roses" are
"frosted"—the imagistic language tells readers
metaphorically that in this situation the love has "died".
The "ring" is also a traditional symbol demonstrating a
pledge of troth, loyalty, or faithfulness, but in this haiku the
ring is "removed" and the narrator "takes a new path". The
simple, unadorned language of this haiku quietly masks well
crafted poetic techniques. The juxtaposition of the "old"
traditional symbols (roses and ring) in the long phrase
(lines 1-2) are nicely placed in apposition with the
traditional symbol (new path) in the short phrase (line
3), that is being taken.
Windy Mountain
going up not as easy
as coming down
# 13. Ed Baker, US
Word play adds delight
to any poem. In this haiku "Windy" can have two different
meanings. "Windy" may mean the turns and twists and the climbs
and descents that are typically found on a "Mountain" road. Or,
"Windy" may refer to the movement of air that will typically be
found on a mountain road. In fact both meanings are appropriate
to this poem; through the use of word play the author has
compressed multiple meaning into a few words.
The long road
through dust and fog—
sweet home.
#93. Zhanna P. Rader, US
All journeys must
come to an end, and the final selection for comment takes us to
the ultimate destination—"sweet home". In this haiku the
juxtaposition of two sets of objects emphasizes an almost
sentimental end. The long phrase, lines 1-2, contain two images:
"the long road united with "dust and fog"; together these images
suggest trial and tribulation, but juxtaposed with the
short phrase, line 3, the sentimental image of "sweet home", all
the trial and tribulation vanish. This juxtaposition
focuses on the differences between the two objects—it
provides a contrast. This final image in line 3 is also
an example of literary allusion because I am
reminded of the closing scene in the movie The Wizard of
Oz when Dorothy exclaims:
"Home!
And this is my room—and you are all here! And I'm not going to
leave here ever again, because I love you all! And—Oh, Auntie
Em—there's no
place like home!"
This month the topic of roads,
by-ways, and paths has taken me on a journey. Above I have
explored some of the unique qualities that I observe in these
haiku—qualities that make these captured moments superior for me
as a reader. Here is a summary list of those unique qualities:
ambiguity, exact
repetitions, parallelism, figurative language, metaphor, pivot
structure, caesura, ellipsis, two phrase structure—long phrase,
short phrase, social or political implications, illusion
of motion (a duration of time instead of a snapshot in time),
illusion, juxtaposition, contrast, irony, symbols, imagistic
language, apposition, word play, compression, contrasting
juxtaposition emphasizing differences, literary allusion.
Each of the haiku
discussed above is like a snowflake—each is unique—each
skillfully utilizes structural elements of composition that make
them well crafted examples of haiku writing.
And finally, after reading
these compositions many times, it occurs to me that these haiku
can be placed in a meaningful arrangement.
John Daleiden
The Long
Journey
A Haiku
Arrangement
Snowstorm at daybreak—
two snowmen arm in arm
on the country road
# 66. Serban Codrin, RO
after the storm
black ice on the road
sliding, sliding, sliding
# 08. Betty Kaplan, US
a cloud
between you and I
this lonely path
inspired by Li Po
# 58. Karina Klesko, US
under the full moon
a lone traveler on the path
to nowhere
# 50. Vasile Moldovan, RO
at the cross roads
indecision . . .
left or right
# 18. Betty Kaplan, US
full moon
crossing the bridge
one step at a time
# 04. Ed Baker, US
open gate…
how narrow is
that path!
# 27. Rita Odeh, Nazareth
frosted roses
removing her ring
she takes a new path
# 05. Trish Shields, CA
Windy Mountain
going up not as easy
as coming down
# 13. Ed Baker, US
The long road
through dust and fog—
sweet home.
#93. Zhanna P. Rader, US
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