Free Verse

 

No Goodbye

 

How do you love and lose with no goodbye?
A love that could have been forever, vanished,
Nothing to remember it by other than the ending.
There were so many joyous memories during those years,
But they seem to have been buried beneath the rubble.
Only the ways she wronged him seem so fresh.
It is unfortunate that he had to fall with her in the disease.
He got swept up in the tornado of destruction she became.
Left behind in the wreckage, but never forgotten.
It wasn’t without fight that they failed.
The harder she pushed the harder he tried to pull her into him.
She was already too far lost.
No amount of love, compassion or care could save her from herself.
Constantly looking for ways of acceptance and praise,
She wasn’t of her own mind to see it right in front of her.
It was there in his eyes and in the moments he looked at her.
It was in his touch and the way he held on so tight.
It was in his kiss and the passion
behind even the smallest touch of their lips.
Most importantly it was in his words…until he had none left.
She became numb to it all.
The world around her was spinning
and somehow she had lost hold of him.
She desperately held on until finally he was gone.
He had walked away from the debris to pick himself back up.
She was nowhere in sight for he had left without word.
Now, left with only regret and the deepest sense of loss imaginable,
She turned deeper into the bottle at attempt to remain numb.
Imagining he would come back,
but knew deep down she wasn’t worthy of that forgiveness.
Spiraling quickly downward, she would try to move forward.
This attempt wasn’t without failure.
She couldn’t take back the piece of her heart he held.
It would ache without warning,
constantly reminding her of what she had lost.
Although she would lay in the arms of another,
He was still in her heart, in her mind, and in her soul.
Nobody could fill the role he played in her life.
Never did she imagine they would ever speak again,
But by the grace of God she was awakened.
Finally able to escape the hell she had been living in,
Now she could see clearly the damage she had caused
not only to him but to herself.
She felt she cheated her Love
for he didn’t get to be with the woman she was becoming.
As time passes it seems that she never got a goodbye for a purpose.
Her heart longed for him for so long
that a goodbye would have meant it was over forever.
But he still claims a piece of her heart that can never be replaced.
She feels drawn to him
in a way she had never been able to fully feel before.
Love for him overcomes her heart
with each passing day that they grow closer.
Now they are able to build a foundation on honesty.
It is as if they are getting to know each other for the first time.
Only God knows what will become of this past romance,
But for today, it seems there is NO GOODBYE in sight,
For they will always remain friends as their futures reveal themselves.

 

 

A Daughter’s Scars

 

Scars,
Wounds of abandonment,
Scrapes of broken promises,
Bruises of lies,
Stitches of false hope ripped open,
Bleeding loss of love,
Re-opening loneliness,
These scars don’t leave beauty.
Painful memories mark the body of a broken child.
Incapable of feeling,
Feeling love or hope or peace.
Fearful that everyone she loves will leave her.
She isn’t good enough.
Not beautiful enough.
A mistake.
Incapable of looking at a reflection of the disgust looking back at her.
No quantity of blush or mascara can hide this depression.
How could he not know or care of the damage he has caused?
He doesn’t even know his child.
Constantly being told to let him go,
The pain will only make you stronger.
Strength seems a lifetime away.
Her tears fall with every thought of him.
Inside she is still a child, longing for her father’s love.
She hates the way she loves him, but she’s okay.
Her worst fear was to become like him,
But in a way she did.
Even as a lost child, she somehow followed in his footsteps,
Breaking the hearts of the ones she loved just as he did,
Constantly letting everyone down,
Turning to addiction to avoid the constant pain,
But she refused to end up like him.
She turned her life over and made amends.
This showed that he too had been capable
of the same, but was unwilling.
He hid behind shame and ego,
Too prideful for responsibility.
The damage he caused will never fully heal,
But with each passing day she understands his actions more.
She hates the way she still loves him, but she’s okay.
It’s the unconditional love that she longed for as a child.
Bags packed, at the door,
Only to hear that he wasn’t coming.
A smile and an “I understand” later
and she was locked inside herself in misery.
I love you daddy, but you break my heart.
You took a part of me that I’ll never get back,
For you will always have a piece of me.
One day you will miss me.
That one day will never be too late.
Twenty-five years later and I am still waiting at the door, bags packed.
I am forever waiting for you to finally show up.
I hate the way I will never know if you truly love me, but I’ll be okay.
My scars will always remain,
But each day, one day at a time, they become less visible.